cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
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Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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