i don't plan on having that self control this summer
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
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you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
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Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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