Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize