Just fell off a train. Bad.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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