I think I just saw someone hide a body.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
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When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
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In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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