just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize