After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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