The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize