I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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