My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
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did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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