So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
They have beer where we have blood.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize