Need sex. Gaining weight.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize