i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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