My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize