I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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