Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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