When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
