When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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