sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
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I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
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I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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