Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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