forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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