dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
