I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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