Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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