there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
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I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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