If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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