She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize