found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize