I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize