i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
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He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
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