she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
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I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
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There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
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