I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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