I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
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