i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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