What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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