You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize