Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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