just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
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I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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