Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize