So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
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the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
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Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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