It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
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Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
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You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i believe in u and ur pee
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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