You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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