glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
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For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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