seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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