he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
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somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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