woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
third nipple confirmed
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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