In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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