I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
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I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
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Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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