My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
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I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
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Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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