Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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